yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
