what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
