You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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