It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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