My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
