the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
