I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
