I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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