when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
soo... how was my night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
