someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
