I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
