remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
