Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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