I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
