i was born a porn star she said
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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