Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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