so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
