So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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