My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
