oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
