I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
