I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
