I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
nutella sex= disaster
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
