the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize