Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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