Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
