i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
