I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
