He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
