come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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