I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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