I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My bed smells like the plague
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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