Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize