Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
