I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
