my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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