didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
