Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize