She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
