Non-Jews are for practice
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
