Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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