erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize