I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
