you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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