3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize