The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
