I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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