i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
