So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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