Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
