You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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