maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
