It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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