it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
