I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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