You're a womanizer and a bitch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
