Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just pee around me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
