I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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