I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
