In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
