I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
