The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
