i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
