So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
