This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
