fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize