last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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