Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
