yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
