the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
