I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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