It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
